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I dedicate my story especially to multiple sclerosis sufferers, their families and friends, and to all people looking for information on how to live in spite of the burden of the MS*. I have been trying to provide all important facts
in relation to this incurable illness, in which too few things are reliable enough to understand its development
and recognise the symptoms.
My attitude towards the MS is a description of my own experiences and an expression of the personal philosophy which I have developed in the course of my illness.
The idea of writing this book was born as an attempt to help others. It came to me when I noticed the beneficial influence of my conversations with other MS sufferers. For me, the diagnosis was not a life sentence, but an opening to new possibilities and to a new, interesting life.
I hope that my story will also inspire people professionally dealing with this illness towards more fruitful search for its causes, maybe also triggering an idea for effective treatment. I would like to describe how it came to this.
- * Multiple Sclerosis (MS) – Lat. sclerosis multiplex
Book sample:
I’ve recently been to a „survival training”. Until now, I wouldn’t have even crossed a fence or swung off a carpet hanger, I had been too afraid of falling. What, then, pushed me towards overcoming so much harder obstacles? I don’t know. Maybe it was the urge to prove to myself that I can overcome everything, not only my illness, but every other obstacle life may throw at me.
I have, therefore, balanced over terrifying ravines. I have climbed up vertical mountain slopes and slid down from them on ropes. It was wonderful! My souvenirs from this adventure are the photos which I look at often, especially in times when I predict approaching times of doubt or weakness.
One of these photos is an illustration of everything I would like to show you. A friend of mine took it while I, full of life, was crossing an enormous ravine on a tight rope. Down below, a small church could be seen. At that moment I had hoped that my illness can be overcome like a gap between the mountains. And in my life, this little church has started to play an increasingly important role.
At some stage, after I recovered from the initial shock of understanding that I was an MS sufferer, I decided to use the rest of my life to the fullest. I have been doing just that. I live in a way that leaves me no time to ponder over my illness. One can even say I’ve become a workaholic, understanding it as a form of therapy which yields positive results.
It is because of multiple sclerosis that I have discovered the inexhaustible layers of energy I possess. The more I use, the more God would provide me with. When I let myself stay in bed, my condition would worsen – I would push myself deeper into illness. In such times I would analyse every bout of numbness, every kind of pain, to weave dark visions which would then, unavoidably, become true. Since I’ve changed this attitude and started trying to live a relatively normal life, quietly accepting steroids and other medications as my allies, undergoing acupuncture treatments, I’ve been returning to health at an amazing pace.
One of the symptoms of my MS is the worsening of my eyesight; therefore, at times when I cannot see too well and when the glasses don’t help much, I simply ask my assistant to read for me and I dictate the text for her. The problems connected with eyesight don’t bother me much, as I’m aware of their temporary nature. None of the bouts of the MS have left me with a mark which others would notice. I think I owe that to my Vietnamese therapist, to myself and most of all – to God. The fear of needing to withdraw from the normal life is pushing me forward. I am more active than an average healthy woman and I do not succumb to my illness. People who don’t know me well think of me as the picture of health. I am sure I’ve chosen the right way to overcome the problem which, after all, lies within myself.
Medical doctors and scientists describe MS as an autoimmune disorder. It means that the organism attacks itself. Unfortunately, nobody has found a way to heal it yet. It is my personal opinion, however, that if our organism is attacking itself, it can also deal with this problem by itself. I believe that only by my self-discipline, trying to overcome my disabilities, I can go through my life as a fully valuable person. It has become essential to me to set myself a goal, to try to achieve it, forgetting about the disease, and after this goal is achieved to create another vision of a glorious future.
If you’re wheelchair bound or in another unpleasant state, try to think it will pass. In a while – sooner or later – everything will change, the sun will shine for you again. You just need to release the defence mechanisms you possess within you and look at the MS as a disease which is quite human friendly, as it often attacks in bouts and allows us to rest and live a wonderful life in between them.
I can illustrate it with a story I know, of a woman, an MS sufferer like myself, who was extremely pedantic. Once, after coming home from the hospital, wheelchair- bound, she felt she couldn’t accept the mess around her. When her family was outside, this woman would slide off the wheelchair and, crawling, clean everything she could reach. Mainly she cleaned the floor. Her determination to act and to overcome her disability was so strong that soon she began to regain health. After a short time she could walk again.
I also believe that by listening to God’s voice and offering one’s own life to Him one can achieve the right goal. Listen to His voice which lies within you. The very cause of the MS lies within you also, so dispose of it. Push away your complexes, prejudices and anger towards others and towards yourself.
Maybe there are other reasons for your soul’s disease, reflected in your body’s suffering. Or maybe there are simple mistakes of your diet or something equally mundane affecting your condition. Have a close look at your life and help us all to define the causes of your MS – maybe it will lead to discovering a miraculous cure which would erase it from our lives.
Once you stand against all the things which used to weight you down, you will surely realise that even us, the sick ones, can be attractive spouses, parents worth looking up to, fully efficient employees and people who can leave a valuable legacy.
Once I wrote a poem reflecting this book’s message. Naturally, I called it: „The Bitter Gift”.